Last week I walked through the doors of my old high school for the first time since graduation.
This seemed to be nothing out of the ordinary for me. I had walked through these hallways multiple times a day, five days a week, for the past four years.
However, I was stunned by the sudden sense of bleakness that I felt.
As I made my way to room 106, the place where I spent the majority of my time the last four years, I was quickly greeted by some familiar faces which I was ecstatic to see.
When you leave high school you realize how many people made an impact on your life just by their presence each day.
As I continued to look around, I realized that I was also surrounded by many faces that I had never seen before. For a place that I had spent so much time in, this was such a strange experience for me.
Your days spent in high school are truly what you make of it.
If you complain about every little single thing, every day, five days a week, then yeah, it probably won't be the most enjoyable experience for you.
During my days in school, I chose not to do this, instead I made the most of each day.
My life in school was typically very structured, predominantly my senior year.
I spent my school hours focused on my academics & my art work.
After school would be spent at drama rehearsals & work.
At night, after some usual procrastinating, I would do my homework & start the same routine over for the next day.
I'm not saying I was this perfect, exemplary student. There were many late nights spent writing papers last minute & bumps along the way. However, I chose to spend my days this way.
Even though my parents were very involved in the choices that I made throughout my high school career, it was ultimately my decision on how I went about things. If I wanted to wait last minute to do things, that was fine with them, because only myself had to deal with the aftermath.
During my senior year I filled my schedule with art classes. I did this because even though stressful at times, it was what I truly enjoyed. It was well worth a couple hours extra of homework here & there instead of wasted time in study halls. I spent many, many hours with my Drama Club after school because I genuinely loved & enjoyed it. I put the extra effort into my academics, because I felt confident showing up to class well prepared.
Because of these decisions, it resulted in the best senior year I could possibly imagine for myself.
I ended the year with high honors all four quarters, won a local tee-shirt design contest, passed 3 art classes with all A+, had the opportunity to see all of my artwork displayed at our school's art show, & placed 1st at the Regional, & 3rd at the State One Act Competitions with my Drama Club.
These achievements weren't just handed to me. It required a lot of hard work, commitment, & effort.
Sure, it was a huge struggle at many times to balance academics, extra-curriculars, work, & a social life. But now being able to see the whole picture, I wouldn't change one single thing about the decisions I made.
While visiting my old high school last week, something that was once so routine & familiar, suddenly felt so distant to me.
Life goes on, people change, things happen, you make tough decisions, & realize things that you thought were for you, aren't.
For someone who hates change, my life of what I had planned out for myself 5 months ago, is nothing like it is now.
I'm not saying this is a bad thing, because I am 100% happier knowing that I made the right decision that was best for me.
However, this has been a whirlwind experience.
I went from 100% structure, to having a freedom that I have never felt before.
Being back at HS reminded me of how different everything use to be.
Those simple days now felt a world away.
Those days spent at high school were a huge, gratifying part of my life, that has ultimately shaped me into the person I am today.
But a part of me needs to let go a little bit of allowing those years to define me as a person,
now that I am open to a whole new world of opportunities.
Little by little, step by step, in different situations, for different people, you will undoubtedly be faced with letting go of something in your life.
In the wise words of Carrie Bradshaw...
"Maybe the past is like an anchor, holding us back.
Maybe, you have to let go of who you were,
to become who you will be."
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